Goodbye Dear Friend

I sure was enjoying my day. It was a nice warm day. In fact it was perfect. I went into work to get things started. Talked to the guys a little about life and then went to pick up some daily supplies to be sure they could work through the day. I decided my time was better at home with my family rather than sitting at work all day only to do a couple things that could be done in the first hour of Monday. I stopped by the post office and mailed off some walnut stock blanks to a recent friend in Texas. I got home about 10:30 and Misty and the kids were happy to see me. I got a few things done that I have been meaning to do around the house. We went to town to eat and went to a nephew's b-day party. It was good seeing some of the extended family. When it was over we took the long way home. It sure is beautiful going that way. There are hills, valleys, creeks, bridges, trestles, and all the scenic explanations of just why this area is commonly called the land of milk and honey. Never mind all the dairy farms with beekeeping as an extra source of income. Walking outside the house I was smiling at the wafting aromas of black locust blooms and at how the honeysuckle vines are taking shape. I was watching all the kids running around being happy and precious and so so so valuable to my purpose.

After taking care of a few other things around the property I felt somewhat unsettled over the fact that the day was going by with not enough getting done. We gathered in or close to the house. I sat on the computer for a few moments downloading a few new songs and made a list of sentimental songs to listen to while I was updating my blog and leaving notes with friends. We had eaten sort of late for lunch and then topped it off with b-day cake etc. Being the somewhat lazy day it was I promised the kids we just have my famous choco shakes for dinner. Like it was gonna be a problem. I was getting ready to make those and while I walked by the phone it rang. It was my father with some of the worst news I have gotten in a long time.

My father informed me that he had just gotten a call and that Charles Filyaw had passed during the night before. Immediately and even now my sense is to just vomit! He said that Charles' family had been trying to get in touch with him for a day. They went over to check on him and found him in bed. We don't know exactly how he left us but no matter what the coroner says I know it was heartbreak that closed the door.

I know it isn't my place to do it and I know that I could not deliver it in a way that could cover his life with all the respect it deserves but I would give the eulogy if they asked me to. I don't know. I would likely crumble and make a fool of myself trying but I could come up with many kind words about a man that blessed my life so deeply. It's hard to even begin to explain why I feel this way. What a terrible thing that has happened to this earth it seems. We lost a great one for now.

I met Charles Filyaw at Faith Chapel in Huntsville, Alabama back in the mid 1980s. I was a young teenager with a burgeoning interest in music and math. I also was always up for a good laugh. At this same time in my life I was going through the normal changes that 12 and 13 year old kids do. During those years I carried a lot of weight about the world and its sinful ways. Back then and now I have had a strong sense for the type of people I am communicating with if only on a spiritual level. I was always attracted to people who have certain perspectives on life. Charles was one of those people. It seemed like 90% of the people I knew were sold out, or weak minded, or even insulted the rest of us by having this "front" with a smile. You know, the kind that frown through their teeth. Charles was nothing like them. He usually had a big smile and a deep laugh with greetings that would make Old Saint Nick jealous. The fact that he was 15 or so years older than me and just that much younger than others meant nothing. He was one of those folks that met you where you were in life. I remember my brother David and I going over to his house where he still lived at home with his parents. We'd drive some old car and start off talking about it or who knows what. No matter how it started we ALWAYS ended up laughing the night away. Charles had me laughing so hard one evening that I literally could not eat the next day. We could say one word covering anything and somehow, someway, with incredible wit, Charles would start us over on another line of jokes revolving around that word for at least an hour. I suppose we finally got too tired to laugh at about daybreak. It was so much fun, so uplifting, and so mentally engaging that we made sort of a ritual out of it. You cannot imagine how much I miss that. Charles turned out to be a pretty good picker and was an amazing mathematician. As the next few years passed I took music and math lessons from him but ended up learning more about just being a good person. He possessed the sort of genuine character that is far too rare for this needy planet.

I remember being in church or any number of other places and seeing him hanging out with folks regarded as "less than" by the uppity social climbing church people we knew. Some were very poor, some very lost, some just having a tough time, and even some were church people. One thing I never heard from him was any sort of condemnation for anyone. I remember bringing it up one day to him about all these various characters he'd spend time with. He looked me dead in the eye and said something I take with me everywhere I go. "It's only the grace of God that saves us. We have no way of knowing what has or is happening in that person's life. I am a sinner too and I cannot treat them like they are any less worthy than I am". At that moment I made one of the biggest steps of my life in my walk with The Lord. To this day I fail to hold up that banner as he did but I know this truth and it gets me through.

Charles for all the years I knew him was a big man. He had kinky curly hair and wore glasses. The depression that I suspect started during his time in school followed him like a shadow. I know he was made fun of and that he had very low self esteem at many points in his life. In my view this brought other problems to him. Among them was the fact that very FEW women see value in a man with these flaws even if he could have been the man they were dreaming of. I know he was the kind hearted and thoughtful type of man that all the complaining women talk about wanting to find. Nonetheless, as far as I know the man never had a steady girlfriend. I believe this could have been the beginning of the end for him. What a terrible shame. This really bothers me about our miserable society.

Back during the first week of September, 2007 I was in Grand Forks, ND. When I had left Tennessee a couple days before it was 98 degrees. In Grand Forks it was 26 and snowing. I was so amazed by this I called a few folks to tell them about it. One of the first folks I thought about was Charles. I hadn't talked to him in a long time and missed the hilarious conversations we reliably had over the years. We talked for a few minutes and shared a few laughs but very quickly the conversation turned serious. He talked about being 50 years old and how he feels so much of his life has been wasted. He talked about this woman in his life that wouldn't commit or was playing games. He talked about trying to start a family of some kind, even if it was ready made. This was going to be a key to him having some kind of fulfillment. He seemed very down on himself about how that part of life passed him by. There I sat, listening to him hold back tears while I had so much to be so thankful for. I have a beautiful wife and six amazing children. It was like standing on the other side of a raging river and wanting to help him cross. Time doesn't always heal. All those times he truly lifted my spirits came back to me. I tried to encourage him as we talked for a good 2 hours. Towards the end, after he had poured out his heart, we did manage to share a few more laughs, but there was definite change in the tone of what was left of our knowing each other. I contacted him a few more times and there was some signs of hope and despair but there was no sign that his time on earth would soon be over. I feel I could have been a better friend.

To sum it up, I realize that he wasn't a perfect person. Who is? I am not sure how other folks knew him but if I were God, I would usher Charles in the gate myself. He deserves it. I sure look forward to seeing him again.

In disbelief,
-Daniel

Bullwinkle

Here is the squirrel I have been yakking about. I was working in the woods and had cut a large hickory tree. While the saw was still idling and I was looking at the next tree I heard I high pitched squeal, and then another, and then together I heard two. I turned off the saw and it was evident that there was some little furry babies somewhere, who knows where, close to me on the ground. I followed the sound for a minute or so and located them next to a extremely rotten box elder tree that had broken over in the wind. They were laying on the ground next to the tree sprawled out as in shock. I got them together and folded my shirt up and brought them to the truck. I had a box and a spare shirt I put in there with them.

This isn't the first time I have found various animals in the woods out of their nests. Sometimes it's my fault but if you walk in the woods day after day you will see babies kicked out of the nest, or they possibly fell out. Birds, rabbits, snakes, and among others, squirrels can be found lurking around or crying out on any given day in the woods of the south. It's like a dinner bell for predatory animals as you can imagine. I do occasionally see that happen too. There are some things I have learned. There is nothing you can do to save any animal if the conditions aren't just right. First off they have to be old enough to live without their mother but young enough not to be totally wild. They also cannot be hurt much. Any little problem turns into a battle for their survival. I suppose that is the way God intended it. That's good enough for me. Save the ones you can and realize you can't save them all.

So these two squirrels were obviously beside themselves and were a little scared at first. I went by the local Dollar General Store, a great little store, and bought a big plastic tub with a top, some cashews, almonds, and some bird seed just in case that was the ticket. Got home and the kids came running out to greet me as usual. There have been enough times that I had a surprise for them that they are ever anxious to see what daddy has hidden in the truck. Much to their amazement I had two li'l bitty squirrels. They were very excited and had names spewing forth like formula from a bottle fed baby. Somewhere along the way I mentioned "Rocky" from "Rocky and Bullwinkle". It was a hit. So that was their names and the competition began for which belonged to who. At any rate the appetite and general behavior of the smaller Rocky made me think he wouldn't make it. He did take in a good bit of liquid nourishment but wasn't too excited about eating. We tried several different types of food for him but nothing really got him going. One day, when I got home, the kids came out to tell me Rocky had suddenly kicked the thimble. That seems to be the way it always happens.

In the meantime, Bullwinkle was living large, and still is. That is one fat and spoiled squirrel! He rips up those cashews, almonds, various other nuts, and even the occasional Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Peanut M&M. Don't worry, we don't give him much chocolate. He has this mansion of a cage meant for a ferret complete with tubes, slides, ladders and even a freaking hammock! That jerk. He sure does make a good little indoor pet and the kids are thrilled every time they see him or hold him. If you ever get to hold him yourself be sure to take a little advice. Tuck in your shirt. Otherwise you will be bothered worse than a Toys R Us display of Tickle Me Elmo.

Enjoy

Levi Turned Two

I really have let time get by this go around. Levi turned two on March 30, 2009. Geez, he is screaming even now. Anyways, other than the fairly regular screeching over trivial pursuits, he is completely awesome. His name is actually Daniel Levi. His first name came from me of course. Daniel Levi is the sixth child of mine and I am the sixth of my father's. I know what you are thinking....if he choses to name is his sixth child Daniel that one will be Daniel the 666th...BS.... I have heard this sort of retort a few times by now. Either embrace or be angry over the power of numbers, which I do both, but never fear it. Speaking of which, it just so happens that Levi was born when I was 34. Well I was also born when my father was 34. There is a very similar age spread over the last four sibling too. Sister was 8, brother 4, brother 2 when he was born. Almost the same as when I was born. My parents often said I was a very easy child to deal with which is most often the case with Levi. I guess he has some extra spices in the mix.

His mannerisms are funny too. He attempts to cover his face and be embarrassed when being the center of attention turns out to be more than he bargains for. One of the funniest things he does regularly during the last couple months is talking about what all daddy kills... Well, however it is, other than a deer I am not sure he has seen me kill anything beyond a fly. Even the deer was not shot in his sight. Even so, he growls, then says 'Dog kill.... daddy kill' among other things. He snarls his face and raises his hands beside his face with his fingers in attack mode and then relaxes and solemnly declares death, via daddy, on whatever.

If you ever wanted to get some powerful hugs or big wet kisses, they are available on request, so long as he is not in a fit of cataclysmic rage over not being allowed to go out and play with the tornadoes or maybe just over the Wii remotes. Seriously, Levi is incredibly precious and if you know him you must agree. Otherwise you'll have to pry two Daniels off your head. Capiche?

Gordon's Birthday

It's been a while since I have had the chance to post, so I have let a couple b-days get by without posting something. Tonight I am going to say a little bit about my 5th child, Gordon. He entered this world on March 25th,2005.

I have been sitting here trying to think of what kind of short description there is to let everyone know him a little better. The best I could do, cheesy as it is, would be "Lion Heart". I am not entirely sure if he is going to be a small boned kid. He has started out that way but he is growing and sometimes surprises us all with his ability to move things. Another impressive thing about this kid is that he is so quick to learn everything. He was quick to talk, walk,potty train, ride without training wheels and is now very articulate in his speech. There isn't even a hint of a southern accent! That may be the one thing that concerns me. lol..... I guess by now we have figured out with those attributes alone that he is very deliberate and focused on progressing his affect on the world. Suffice to say he just can't freakin' wait to level up with the biggest of his siblings.

It is so cool to watch him jump on his little bitty bike and hit the dirt bike trail made by his older brother, Charles, every time Charles gets his dirt bike out. Charles flies out of sight for a second and comes back around followed by a little boy pedaling his heart out with a smile clearly visible from 300 yards. (due to his chipmunk cheeks)The very idea of discouraging him is a non issue. You simply won't. He also has a bit of a temper. Of course, when he is being pissy and screaming, we have to consider buying paint for the walls closest to him. Often times however he is just kinda upset, or even being coy about his feelings. That is when he is really funny. The facial expressions of trying to look mad while also trying to hide the fact that he is insanely happy about something that has made his day. What a precious part of his character that I hope we remember forever.