Goodbye Dear Friend

I sure was enjoying my day. It was a nice warm day. In fact it was perfect. I went into work to get things started. Talked to the guys a little about life and then went to pick up some daily supplies to be sure they could work through the day. I decided my time was better at home with my family rather than sitting at work all day only to do a couple things that could be done in the first hour of Monday. I stopped by the post office and mailed off some walnut stock blanks to a recent friend in Texas. I got home about 10:30 and Misty and the kids were happy to see me. I got a few things done that I have been meaning to do around the house. We went to town to eat and went to a nephew's b-day party. It was good seeing some of the extended family. When it was over we took the long way home. It sure is beautiful going that way. There are hills, valleys, creeks, bridges, trestles, and all the scenic explanations of just why this area is commonly called the land of milk and honey. Never mind all the dairy farms with beekeeping as an extra source of income. Walking outside the house I was smiling at the wafting aromas of black locust blooms and at how the honeysuckle vines are taking shape. I was watching all the kids running around being happy and precious and so so so valuable to my purpose.

After taking care of a few other things around the property I felt somewhat unsettled over the fact that the day was going by with not enough getting done. We gathered in or close to the house. I sat on the computer for a few moments downloading a few new songs and made a list of sentimental songs to listen to while I was updating my blog and leaving notes with friends. We had eaten sort of late for lunch and then topped it off with b-day cake etc. Being the somewhat lazy day it was I promised the kids we just have my famous choco shakes for dinner. Like it was gonna be a problem. I was getting ready to make those and while I walked by the phone it rang. It was my father with some of the worst news I have gotten in a long time.

My father informed me that he had just gotten a call and that Charles Filyaw had passed during the night before. Immediately and even now my sense is to just vomit! He said that Charles' family had been trying to get in touch with him for a day. They went over to check on him and found him in bed. We don't know exactly how he left us but no matter what the coroner says I know it was heartbreak that closed the door.

I know it isn't my place to do it and I know that I could not deliver it in a way that could cover his life with all the respect it deserves but I would give the eulogy if they asked me to. I don't know. I would likely crumble and make a fool of myself trying but I could come up with many kind words about a man that blessed my life so deeply. It's hard to even begin to explain why I feel this way. What a terrible thing that has happened to this earth it seems. We lost a great one for now.

I met Charles Filyaw at Faith Chapel in Huntsville, Alabama back in the mid 1980s. I was a young teenager with a burgeoning interest in music and math. I also was always up for a good laugh. At this same time in my life I was going through the normal changes that 12 and 13 year old kids do. During those years I carried a lot of weight about the world and its sinful ways. Back then and now I have had a strong sense for the type of people I am communicating with if only on a spiritual level. I was always attracted to people who have certain perspectives on life. Charles was one of those people. It seemed like 90% of the people I knew were sold out, or weak minded, or even insulted the rest of us by having this "front" with a smile. You know, the kind that frown through their teeth. Charles was nothing like them. He usually had a big smile and a deep laugh with greetings that would make Old Saint Nick jealous. The fact that he was 15 or so years older than me and just that much younger than others meant nothing. He was one of those folks that met you where you were in life. I remember my brother David and I going over to his house where he still lived at home with his parents. We'd drive some old car and start off talking about it or who knows what. No matter how it started we ALWAYS ended up laughing the night away. Charles had me laughing so hard one evening that I literally could not eat the next day. We could say one word covering anything and somehow, someway, with incredible wit, Charles would start us over on another line of jokes revolving around that word for at least an hour. I suppose we finally got too tired to laugh at about daybreak. It was so much fun, so uplifting, and so mentally engaging that we made sort of a ritual out of it. You cannot imagine how much I miss that. Charles turned out to be a pretty good picker and was an amazing mathematician. As the next few years passed I took music and math lessons from him but ended up learning more about just being a good person. He possessed the sort of genuine character that is far too rare for this needy planet.

I remember being in church or any number of other places and seeing him hanging out with folks regarded as "less than" by the uppity social climbing church people we knew. Some were very poor, some very lost, some just having a tough time, and even some were church people. One thing I never heard from him was any sort of condemnation for anyone. I remember bringing it up one day to him about all these various characters he'd spend time with. He looked me dead in the eye and said something I take with me everywhere I go. "It's only the grace of God that saves us. We have no way of knowing what has or is happening in that person's life. I am a sinner too and I cannot treat them like they are any less worthy than I am". At that moment I made one of the biggest steps of my life in my walk with The Lord. To this day I fail to hold up that banner as he did but I know this truth and it gets me through.

Charles for all the years I knew him was a big man. He had kinky curly hair and wore glasses. The depression that I suspect started during his time in school followed him like a shadow. I know he was made fun of and that he had very low self esteem at many points in his life. In my view this brought other problems to him. Among them was the fact that very FEW women see value in a man with these flaws even if he could have been the man they were dreaming of. I know he was the kind hearted and thoughtful type of man that all the complaining women talk about wanting to find. Nonetheless, as far as I know the man never had a steady girlfriend. I believe this could have been the beginning of the end for him. What a terrible shame. This really bothers me about our miserable society.

Back during the first week of September, 2007 I was in Grand Forks, ND. When I had left Tennessee a couple days before it was 98 degrees. In Grand Forks it was 26 and snowing. I was so amazed by this I called a few folks to tell them about it. One of the first folks I thought about was Charles. I hadn't talked to him in a long time and missed the hilarious conversations we reliably had over the years. We talked for a few minutes and shared a few laughs but very quickly the conversation turned serious. He talked about being 50 years old and how he feels so much of his life has been wasted. He talked about this woman in his life that wouldn't commit or was playing games. He talked about trying to start a family of some kind, even if it was ready made. This was going to be a key to him having some kind of fulfillment. He seemed very down on himself about how that part of life passed him by. There I sat, listening to him hold back tears while I had so much to be so thankful for. I have a beautiful wife and six amazing children. It was like standing on the other side of a raging river and wanting to help him cross. Time doesn't always heal. All those times he truly lifted my spirits came back to me. I tried to encourage him as we talked for a good 2 hours. Towards the end, after he had poured out his heart, we did manage to share a few more laughs, but there was definite change in the tone of what was left of our knowing each other. I contacted him a few more times and there was some signs of hope and despair but there was no sign that his time on earth would soon be over. I feel I could have been a better friend.

To sum it up, I realize that he wasn't a perfect person. Who is? I am not sure how other folks knew him but if I were God, I would usher Charles in the gate myself. He deserves it. I sure look forward to seeing him again.

In disbelief,
-Daniel